Trained

This post is painfully long. You have been warned...

Potty training is not something I ever thought I would write about, but here I am wanting to record our successes and failures for future reference. Teaching Special Education, especially with the preschool age group, I come across many parents who ask with pleading eyes for a miracle with training their child. Having never trained a child myself I could only offer what "research says" and what I had "seen work with other children". Now that I've been in the trenches myself I can relate to the desperation. I began to wonder if we'd ever see the other side of this.

Side note: Last year Kindergarten teachers in our district remarked that more and more children (typically developing as well as those with special needs) are starting elementary school in pull-ups/diapers!

I approached potty training with the expectation that it would take time, it would be challenging, but it would also be rewarding. I knew that if we stuck to our guns Leone would be competent by the end of the summer and she would have the independence she is constantly seeking.
First let me caution against the idea that children can be trained "in a weekend", "in three days", or whatever else is currently floating around the internet. Those strategies are great for teaching a child how to use the toilet but training is a process. At the end of three days expect that your child knows how a potty works and what goes in it but accidents, frustration (from the child and parent), and bodily fluids (in places you never hoped to find them) are still in your future.
Potty training is challenging BUT as I mentioned before, rewarding. Every child is different and what works for one may not work for another, some may catch on sooner than others, some will look forward to independence others may resist. Any child can come from this experience with pride and confidence and as a new-parent-on-the-block I too "awoke" with a feeling of triumph! It's a rite of passage in parenthood and we have plenty of close-call, "you-won't-believe", belly laugh stories in our arsenal now.

Leone is always interested in what we are doing and following our example, we call her the copy-cat (which most toddlers are), so she was already very interested in using the toilet when the time came to start potty training (Leone was approximately 18 months old). We followed Leone's lead in this area of letting us know when she was ready. We didn't force her to start, she initiated the process, but once we started I did force a level of commitment. If we were going to start this then we were going to finish it.

In the beginning...

We started by getting her a small toilet since climbing onto the "big potty" was quite a hassle for her. I was adamant that Leone learn to be as independent as possible with using the bathroom so getting her a toddler toilet was a given. We didn't make a big fuss about it but we did tell her it was especially for her and showed her how to use it. But then what? During lunch one day at work I started picking the brain of a co-worker (it's a great resource to work with experienced mothers) and she recommended starting by making Leone go a few minutes after every meal. This would help make the process part of our routine. It worked! I admit that a large portion of potty training feels like a training for the parent as much as it is for the child. Whatever it takes! Leone caught on quickly and I did use little edible incentives (some people say that's not a good idea but Leone is greatly motivated by food and it was the right fit for her). Any time she went even a tinkle in her potty we would shout for joy and high-five and applaud and she'd get a little something (one fruit snack, a teddy graham, a peanut butter cracker...) then we'd move on with our day. I kept her in diapers in the beginning since she was just figuring things out. My plan was to introduce her to the potty and let her go as she pleased but when I was off for the summer I would tackle this head-on. Once it was warm enough I kept her in skirts and dresses with nothing underneath while we were around the house (thank you Mom for that tip).
As Leone started taking more initiative with letting us know she wanted to go potty we increased the expectations. A tiny tinkle still got praise but now, if she wanted an edible reward, she needed to leave a bigger puddle. She didn't resist and took it in stride. Leone did struggle with going No.2 in the potty and for that we used her pacifier as incentive. Leone was binky free at this point but she would do just about anything to get it back.

Accidents

Leone did NOT respond well to being asked every 15-20 minutes if she needed to go (as some recommend). She became very resistant to the idea of the bathroom when I asked too frequently so I stepped back.  I kept an eye on her fluid intake and every once in a while I would ask if she needed to go. The food incentive helped in this area to coax her into trying more often. I also instituted a three-strikes-you're-out rule. If she told me "no" after I asked if she needed to go potty three times then I would make her go on the third time. That worked extremely well in cutting down on the amount of accidents she was having and I think established a level of respect that this was her body and that I would listen to her until I thought it necessary to intervene.
Oh, there were accidents...let me tell you! I would try my best to keep my cool if she had an accident but after you've been cleaning up messes all over the house all-the-live-long-day (or so it seemed) it was hard to not get a little frustrated. I started making Leone help clean up her accidents. Doing that helped ease my frustrations and gave her a sense of responsibility for what had happened. But bless her heart she was trying, we all were, and in the end she learned that pee-pee goes in the potty and we still love each other.
A cute anecdote about Leone:  one day she was playing out in the living room while I was in the shower. As I was walking past the entry to the living room from the bathroom to the bedroom I noticed a roll of paper towels strewn across the floor like a trail leading to the kitchen (Leone was also very quiet and didn't greet me at the bathroom door like she usually did). I quickly dressed and as I turned the corner into the kitchen there was Leone standing midst the paper towels unfurled like ribbon and green puddles everywhere. At first I was alarmed by the green color and then I saw the bottle of Windex. Leone had had an accident while I was in the shower and she was trying to clean it up all by herself (some how getting past our child proofing)! All I could do was laugh!

Maintenance

Being a copy cat I knew Leone would respond well to seeing other kids use the bathroom (many children do) so I found children's DVDs and books at the library all about using the potty. We don't let Leone a lot of television so she jumped at a chance to watch a movie, even if the subject was potty training.
Life seemed to go on like this for-ev-er.  Until suddenly we realized that there hadn't been an accident in a while. She would go to the bathroom without being asked (we'd even wake up to find that she'd gone to the bathroom earlier in the morning without waking us) and her panties were staying dry. It was mid-summer and Leone was Miss Independent when it came to using the bathroom at home. We learned Leone can hold it for a really long time but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to let her. This did help when the time came for panties during nap time. She still needed help places outside the home because not all toilets are created equal and she didn't always know where to find the bathroom. We were in the home stretch, I could feel it!

Some Regression...Then Success

For our trip to New Mexico (in June) I opted to leave her potty at home and just finish up our stash of diapers so we wouldn't have to make frequent stops on the road or worry about carrying around her potty. Leone was so competent at using the bathroom independently I was sure we'd come back from our trip and pick up where we left off.  Hindsight is 20/20. I wish we had used pull-ups instead of the diapers and I decided it wouldn't have been that inconvenient to bring her potty along. After that trip we came home to find Leone resistant to using the potty (even though she took many opportunities to go during our trip). We were almost back at square one. We stuck to our guns (used a few incentives when necessary) and by her 2nd birthday (a month later) Leone was officially potty trained. Come fall Leone went in panties to our babysitter and she loved being one of the "big girls" that uses the potty. Leone wears pull-ups to bed but other than that she is a champ, has been for 6 months now!

Lessons Learned

I know it sounds like this took months...mainly because it did, but a child who is wearing underwear throughout their entire day, can tell you when they need to use the bathroom, and needs little if any assistance is, by my definition, potty trained. 

I think she was ready before I was at times. I remember being hesitant to take her on errands with panties but I erred on the side of caution by going before we left and as soon as we arrived and then again before we left.  Leone never had an accident outside the house.
We figured out what would work for our family and went with it. Leone benefited from using pull-ups (some people recommend using only panties and never turning back. We found pull-ups aren't that much more expensive than diapers especially since you don't need as many). We didn't use pull-ups as panties they were only for long excursions with unpredictable circumstances. Panties were worn in the house and in all other familiar places (grandparent's house, library, grocery store, church...).
Food incentives worked wonders with Leone and we never experienced any withdrawal issues (many people caution against food incentives because the child becomes attached and may refuse to perform without them).
Leone has come a long way and we're so proud of her. We all survived and we still have our sanity. Leone prefers the "big potty" now that she can get up there on her own, she loves to wash her hands afterward, and insists of being the one to flush. It wasn't easy but it was worth it. When the going gets tough just remember if they use the potty you don't have to buy diapers!

A bike ride this summer in panties. By the way, we bought a front child bike seat rather than a rear and we couldn't be happier. Leone absolutely loves it, hands down a crowd pleaser.

Another gem from the summer archives (she had to have her glasses on while we blessed the food).